I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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