I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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