He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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