After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
