Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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