You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
