The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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