yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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