Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
