I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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