you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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