If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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