that's an acceptable place to lick
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
