Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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