god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
