I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I deserve this hangover.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
