I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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