when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
