I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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