my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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