I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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