her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
