So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
