my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
