Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
