you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
