Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
