Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
