I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
