I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
