I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
