Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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