Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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