don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
