I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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