I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my being single is dangerous.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
