Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
