What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
