Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
