I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
