im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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