you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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