Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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