he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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