there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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