got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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