i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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