We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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