it hurts more in the daytime
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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