Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
