I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
