this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
