Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
