if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
