And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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