I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
