I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
