i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
